Marriage....

I love my husband and although it hasn't been a year yet since we married, things between us have changed. Some for the better, some for the worst.

I bought him an Xbox 360 for his birthday this year and I feel like I've lost him now. He comes home not wanting to cuddle with me on the couch and talk about his day, he comes home and asks "Can I shoot people?"  I know I bought it for him and I love that he loves the gift, but it feels like I'm second place these days. I've always said, I don't want a lot of attention from a lot of people, I just need a lot of attention from one man. I know it can be tiring, but a cuddle on the couch doesn't seem like a lot. Put our phones down, watch our favorite tv shows, and just relax. It doesn't happen like that. He's on his phone or I'm on mine or he wants to play Xbox.



I've come up with a fun way to tell him I care and I hope he uses it to do the same. I'll keep you posted.

On a side note, Wedding in 4 days!  P:ics and details coming and lots of DIY wedding tips. May even start a wedding decoration company..... What do you think?

Love

I'm married to the best man I know. It wasn't an easy route to where we are.  The first 3 months were a power struggle until we realized we treat each other as equals. We fought like crazy and I thought it would be easier to just end it. That was my typical response, end it. Just walk away and no one gets hurt.  I'm so glad I grew up! 

Bill is in NYC for 2 nights 3 days this week. I miss him so much I can't sleep in my bed. I am wearing his shirt. If you would have told me I'd be this in love to Bill 4 years ago I'd have laughed in your face.

Love, amazing and wonderful. It isn't the bear I used to think it was.  I was never in love before now. Of this, I am sure.

"Surprise Wedding" in 6 weeks

Most of you don't know this, but our wedding was cancelled due to the death of my Father-in-law. It was sudden and devastating and happened 3 weeks prior to the date of our planned wedding. Fortunately, we married secretly months before so we didn't have to jump through the hoops in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, the first year of our marriage has been pure hell. Without my husband, I'm not sure I would have survived.

I had decided to forgo the wedding. I thought it would be too hard for everyone without Jeff and that it was selfish of me to want something when everyone lost a great man. Then I realized something. A wedding was my dream. But it wasn't for the reasons I thought it was. I thought I wanted "my day." I thought I wanted a day to look back and I was a princess. But that isn't it. A wedding is so much more than the dress and the perfect everything. It's a celebration of life. Life continues whether or not you want it to. Bill and I need a good start to our life. A good family and friend moment to share. A celebration of those gone before us and a celebration of those to come.

I want this day more than anything. But I don't want it for me anymore, I want it for everyone else. I want the company, camaraderie, love, and to show Bill how much I care about him in front of everyone.