My First Move...

So, I finally did it. I made a shop on etsy. I made a page for made-to-order body butter & eyeshadow.  Cross your fingers and hope it makes me some money!  Not being able to drive has put a damper on my tutoring!!! 

Wish me luck!

"Surprise Wedding" in 6 weeks

Most of you don't know this, but our wedding was cancelled due to the death of my Father-in-law. It was sudden and devastating and happened 3 weeks prior to the date of our planned wedding. Fortunately, we married secretly months before so we didn't have to jump through the hoops in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, the first year of our marriage has been pure hell. Without my husband, I'm not sure I would have survived.

I had decided to forgo the wedding. I thought it would be too hard for everyone without Jeff and that it was selfish of me to want something when everyone lost a great man. Then I realized something. A wedding was my dream. But it wasn't for the reasons I thought it was. I thought I wanted "my day." I thought I wanted a day to look back and I was a princess. But that isn't it. A wedding is so much more than the dress and the perfect everything. It's a celebration of life. Life continues whether or not you want it to. Bill and I need a good start to our life. A good family and friend moment to share. A celebration of those gone before us and a celebration of those to come.

I want this day more than anything. But I don't want it for me anymore, I want it for everyone else. I want the company, camaraderie, love, and to show Bill how much I care about him in front of everyone.

Ad

Irene

Hi Irene. I'm in Raleigh and experiencing some of your wrath. Thank you for keeping me and my family safe and don't ruin NYC.

Thanks!

Rant of the week: Politics

I hate talking politics. I have avoided talking politics since I was a kid and my family fought every holiday over Democrats vs. Republicans. Lately, however, I find myself in a political frenzy. With the downgrade, the stock crash, etc. I realize how important it is to talk about it. Enlighten people. The latter is the hardest.

I'm a researcher, by nature and by career, and I research everything I have an opinion about. I find it absurd people talk politics and have no idea what they are talking about. They watch one news source, they believe what they are told. Freedom of speech means people can spin whatever news they want. It's been proven time and again.

People wonder why our government is falling apart. These people get into office because people don't do their research before voting for them. People complain about taxes, but then complain about a credit downgrade. Make up your mind! You can't have both. You have to pay for our government. We can say all we want about them "working for free" but would you? I do agree that they need to abide by the same rules that we do. Not working, no paycheck. The benefit of being a politician goes way beyond permanent payment! If that is why our politicians are in office, then they don't have our best interests at heart and shouldn't be in office in the first place.

Just saying.

A whole new life

I haven't "blogged" in awhile. I didn't realize that I even had posts up honestly. But since those last few posts, life has gotten a LOT better. I'm off all medications, yes, even the depression ones. And for once in my life I feel alive. I can think, I can feel, and it's good! I'm not worried about my past creeping up on me because I'm through letting it control me. I'm a survivor. I have strengths I didn't realize I had and I love learning about the new ones I find in me every day.

I get married in a few months and I hope that goes well. Right now, that's the only thing bringing me down, my wedding. My only family coming is my sister, my mother, & my mom's cousin (who is VERY dear to my heart). But I guess the most important thing is my CHOSEN family is coming. Those people in my life that I know will always love me. It's weird knowing that these friends I can never lose, nor do I want to. It's empowering. For most of my life I thought I was broken, I was unlovable. But these friends have proven that I'm not. That I am worth something and that regardless of how I feel, I KNOW someone cares about me.

Then there is my fiance. He is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's honest (most of the time), caring (all of the time), gentle, sweet, and just a great person. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would marry a man like this. I didn't think I could ever be this lucky.

And instead of being depressed, I realize I'm lucky. I may have the worst health luck in this world, but damn it, I'm the luckiest when it comes to friends and loved ones. :)

Rant of the week...Driving

I have a feeling this will be my most popular rant of the week, so I'll only focus on one aspect of driving per week.

Today: Turn Signals.

I use my religiously. I use it to pull into a parking spot, I use it whenever, wherever I TURN. Hence the name I assume. My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people do not use their turn signal. Today, I was on a 3-lane highway, I was in the far left lane signaling to move to the middle lane. All the while I was watching another car, in the far right lane. I started to move over (giving at least 10 seconds of prior signaling) and the asshole in the right lane moved over and almost hit me. Didn't use a turn signal, I was watching. Then had the nerve to flip me off. Who does that? It's really sad that now everyone just takes what they want and basically thinks everyone else can "fuck off". I think the world needs a lesson in humility, empathy, kindness.

I'll continue to use my signal prior to actually moving. I hope you do it too.