A whole new life

I haven't "blogged" in awhile. I didn't realize that I even had posts up honestly. But since those last few posts, life has gotten a LOT better. I'm off all medications, yes, even the depression ones. And for once in my life I feel alive. I can think, I can feel, and it's good! I'm not worried about my past creeping up on me because I'm through letting it control me. I'm a survivor. I have strengths I didn't realize I had and I love learning about the new ones I find in me every day.

I get married in a few months and I hope that goes well. Right now, that's the only thing bringing me down, my wedding. My only family coming is my sister, my mother, & my mom's cousin (who is VERY dear to my heart). But I guess the most important thing is my CHOSEN family is coming. Those people in my life that I know will always love me. It's weird knowing that these friends I can never lose, nor do I want to. It's empowering. For most of my life I thought I was broken, I was unlovable. But these friends have proven that I'm not. That I am worth something and that regardless of how I feel, I KNOW someone cares about me.

Then there is my fiance. He is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's honest (most of the time), caring (all of the time), gentle, sweet, and just a great person. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would marry a man like this. I didn't think I could ever be this lucky.

And instead of being depressed, I realize I'm lucky. I may have the worst health luck in this world, but damn it, I'm the luckiest when it comes to friends and loved ones. :)

Rant of the week...Driving

I have a feeling this will be my most popular rant of the week, so I'll only focus on one aspect of driving per week.

Today: Turn Signals.

I use my religiously. I use it to pull into a parking spot, I use it whenever, wherever I TURN. Hence the name I assume. My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people do not use their turn signal. Today, I was on a 3-lane highway, I was in the far left lane signaling to move to the middle lane. All the while I was watching another car, in the far right lane. I started to move over (giving at least 10 seconds of prior signaling) and the asshole in the right lane moved over and almost hit me. Didn't use a turn signal, I was watching. Then had the nerve to flip me off. Who does that? It's really sad that now everyone just takes what they want and basically thinks everyone else can "fuck off". I think the world needs a lesson in humility, empathy, kindness.

I'll continue to use my signal prior to actually moving. I hope you do it too.

Day 1...

Well, now that I have the background laid out, I figured I'd comment on my day so far. I woke up at 10 am (I think that was way too early for me today) because my boyfriend's dog scratched the hell out of me to try to get under the covers. So I woke up mad, which isn't unusual these days.

So mad and angry I take my first dose of Abilify. We will see how it works. Since then, I managed to make myself a real breakfast of an egg sandwich and bacon and then cleaned it up. So much fun, but at least I managed that. Then I did more laundry. How the hell my boyfriend goes through a load of laundry a day is beseeching me.

Now I am at a loss, I can't seem to sit still but there is nothing I want to do. How am I supposed to deal with that? I figured a blog would work! :)

So now that is done, I'm going to lounge in my comfy clothes and read some magazines. Most likely cuddle with a dog and a cat or two. Hey, at least I even showered today....

* I realized grammar and spelling aren't quite what they should be, but give me a break, I'm on medication and depressed...

Today I battle....

Today I'm battling a crushing view of the world. I'm exhausted from anxiousness and it's causing me to go into a bit of a depression. Bit being "OMG I'm depressed!"

Not sure what started it all, but I'm damn sure I'm going to get myself out of this mess soon! A little bit of history. I've had a migraine (yes A MIGRAINE) since February of 2010. Before that I was getting them weekly. It all started after I quit smoking, the one thing that apparently let me blow off steam, literally and figuratively. My past two years have been hell and I think maybe, just maybe, now that I'm in a stable good relationship and feel safe, my mind and body is finally allowing me to feel all of it....I just wish it wasn't all at once.

So I'm going to try to go through my anxious depression day by day and hope that typing this stuff up helps me even just a little.