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Sunday, March 4, 2012

"Surprise Wedding" in 6 weeks

Most of you don't know this, but our wedding was cancelled due to the death of my Father-in-law. It was sudden and devastating and happened 3 weeks prior to the date of our planned wedding. Fortunately, we married secretly months before so we didn't have to jump through the hoops in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, the first year of our marriage has been pure hell. Without my husband, I'm not sure I would have survived.

I had decided to forgo the wedding. I thought it would be too hard for everyone without Jeff and that it was selfish of me to want something when everyone lost a great man. Then I realized something. A wedding was my dream. But it wasn't for the reasons I thought it was. I thought I wanted "my day." I thought I wanted a day to look back and I was a princess. But that isn't it. A wedding is so much more than the dress and the perfect everything. It's a celebration of life. Life continues whether or not you want it to. Bill and I need a good start to our life. A good family and friend moment to share. A celebration of those gone before us and a celebration of those to come.

I want this day more than anything. But I don't want it for me anymore, I want it for everyone else. I want the company, camaraderie, love, and to show Bill how much I care about him in front of everyone.

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